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the birds!

Posted on 2008.09.29 at 10:33
Current Location: top of the tower
Current Mood: nervousnervous
Tags: , ,

For as long as I can remember I have been mildly phobic about birds, I say mildly as I have seen programmes of people with full blown phobias that are much more severe. My worst fear is to be trapped inside a room with a bird, not surprisingly my mum tells me that when I was little there was a big blackbird trapped in our house going berserk and though I have no conscious memory of it I guess that is where the fear comes from. Anyway it is no big problem, I just give the pigeons a wide berth when in London and on the whole birds are probably more scared of me than I am of them!

What I find more interesting is that birds have become such a symbol of fear for me. Every time I am facing something frightening in my life I seem to have dreams of birds and generally, as the years go by, I handle the fear more calmly and panic less! A recent dream has been of a bird landing in my hair and becoming tangled, and it takes all my efforts to just not panic.

So here we are living at the top of this tower and living with us, that is on the roof, are around 200 pigeons! I can hear them all scraping across the roof, scrambling about on the skylights and some time flying at the windows! Every now and then they all take off together with a great beating of wings… a few minutes later they will all swoop down again and land on the roof. I

n a way it is my worst nightmare but actually it feels like quite a good symbol of the fear that comes from uprooting and finding myself in a country where I only know one other person, don’t speak the language and am about to try to support myself by living on dana! I don’t experience much of that fear very consciously but I do find myself tuning into it as I sit meditating in this bird land at the top of the tower.

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